Tokyo Ew Ew: Llamarama
by sakuuya
Summary: Sequel to Tokyo Ew Ew. Now the canon characters are here, and all the Mary Sues are loose! Can Ew Llama do anything at all to stop the madness? Well, no, not really. She doesn't even make much of an effort, actually. It's kinda pathetic.
1. Sell Out

Tokyo Ew Ew: Llamarama

Meh. School makes me feel like I have a polar bear inside my head. My brain's overly warm and too fuzzy and occasionally makes incomprehensible angry noises. It (meaning school) also sucks the creativity and humor out of me.

And that's my excuse for this taking so long.

Well, that, and the fact that the way I wanted this story to go was too MST-ish, so I had to re-think the entire thing with my polar bear brain.

But you don't care what artic mammals are making themselves comfortable inside my skull, right? You want to read the review replies from the last chapter of TEE!

Well, okay, I'm sure you'd all much rather just read the story, but the review replies come first.

**Amme Moto**: Hey, I'm just as worthy of a Grammy as anyone who actually wins 'em….even though I write satire and not music… (snort) as if any of the winners write their own music… And don't worry, I misspell constantly. It took me about four chapters of TEE before I spelled "Tokyo" right every time.

**Quicksilver foxx**: Yeah, LS is, in his/her own words, "A IDIOT." And I kinda hope he/she was being defensive when she flamed TEE, because if he/she's just that much of a hater, that's just sad. (shudder) Never, ever, say the Z-word again in conjunction with this fandom. Please.

I'm glad you liked the ending. It was hugely anticlimactic, but I think that works for that story.

**Animefreak0123**: Thanks for apologizing for the flame, even if it was pretty obviously defensive. You story has gotten loads better, though… And, shh, using reviews to chat is illegal. Not that I'm gonna tell anyone.

**Koushu**: Of course! Making sense is _sooo _overrated. And your story, because it is worthy as an ensemble fic, and because none of the boys from the series are overpowered, is granted the (unofficial) Official sakuuyan Stamp of Better-Sue! It's not quite as prestigious as the award you gave me, but they're pretty rare.

**Spaceman Spiff (Emily)**: Your reviews are long and wonderful! You should totally get an account and write, because you make no sense sometimes, but you do it hilariously! Well, okay, I'm obviously partial to nonsense, but Mary-Sue fics rarely make sense, and people seem to like them… I'm not sure where my point went. Um, it's here somewhere… Oh, yeah. You should write.

As to Keiichiro doing a Trump… I just heard him in my mind, saying that pretty much all throughout TEE. There was just never an opportunity to use it until that point. And I'm so glad we've identified at least one of the passersby… I seriously considered asking if people would like to have a cameo in the story (they would have been the passersby), but then I realized that inserting authoresses into the story kinda went against the point of the story (i.e. "self-insertions are dumb").

Furthermore, I am fully convinced that octopi (and emus) are going to save the world from the penguins.

And thanks for the award. I should complain about not getting awards more often. I got two (and a Grammy) after I said that.

**hm**: I'm really quite satisfied with the ending, so I'm glad you liked it.

**Super Lucky Tiki Charm**: Thankies!

**Akumu Keayo**: Actually, I adore TMM too, which is why I wrote TEE. It was sort of an odd public service announcement, at least in my mind. (The message? Friends don't let friends write bad Mary-Sue fics.) And thank you for the suggestions, but I'm going in somewhat of a different direction with this story. Ichigo won't appear for many chapters, if she does at all. And, no, I don't hate Ichigo. I pretty much like all the TMM characters at least a little bit, because I don't parody things I have no love whatsoever for. That's just bashing.

**Mew Cherryblossom**: I'm glad you enjoyed it enough to read it all the way through. And then comment. Thanks!

**Shinsei Tsukiko**: Now, if you had said that I was a _worse_ writer than all the Mary-Sue-writers out there, I would have been proud anyway. But I guess this is better. And, yeah, Mary-Sues have taken over pretty much every fandom I've ever liked… But I'd say TMM is one of the worst (Sailor Moon is pretty bad, too) as far as OCs go. Petshop of Horrors seems to be strangely immume to Mary-Sues, though, so if you want some OC-free fanfiction, I suggest looking at PSoH.

* * *

The receptionist watched the brown-haired girl who had been pacing the waiting room for some time now, seemingly without any intention of signing in or making an appointment. As enjoyable as watching her flit nervously from one side of the room to the other, it was giving the receptionist eyestrain.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist called out in a slightly nasal voice. The brown-haired girl jumped in shock, as though she had forgotten that there was anyone else in the room. The girl walked hesitantly up to the receptionist's desk.

"Um… Yes, ma'am. I'm here to apply for a job…" she said in a voice surprisingly loud for one so timid. The receptionist just raised one penciled-in eyebrow line.

"Well, do you have an appointment, miss…." The receptionist trailed off with a significant look at the brunette girl. It took the girl long moments to get the hint.

"Oh, my name is Llama Shizuka. Um, and Llama's my first name, even though I'm Japanese, because the authoress who made me didn't know about family names coming first, not that that matters, I'm not sure any of them do," Llama said, apparently unaware that she was babbling. "And, no, I don't have an appointment, because my story ended and I really need a new job but none of the other places will hire me and I really need a job because not many people saw my old story anyway, so I can't live off the royalties from that, and I just really need a job."

When she stopped babbling and looked down, Llama noticed that the receptionist had fallen dead asleep; snores, eye-twitches, everything. As Llama made a move to shake her awake, the unemployed OC's arm knocked a heavy book off the desk, and the resulting boom woke the receptionist up quite thoroughly.

"Whazzat?" The receptionist said sleepily as her head jerked up at the noise. She blinked a couple times, which seemed to give her her bearings back. "Oh. You're still here."

"Um, yes?"

"Well then. You don't have an appointment, but I think I can get you an interview."

"Really!" Llama asked excitedly. "When? With whom?"

"Right now. Me," came the flat reply.

"Ooh, really? Do you do normally do interviews?"

"Heck no. I'm just a receptionist."

"Oh. That's still cool!" Llama's excitement appeared to have clouded any common she possessed. "Um, so what do I need to do?"

"Just answer some questions."

"Okay!"

"First of all, do you have Mew Mew powers of improbable origin?"

"Yep! The only reason I even still have my powers from my last story is that the authoress couldn't think of a good explanation why I should lose them."

"Perfect. Secondly, what are your flaws?" Llama replied without hesitation.

"I'm clumsy and kinda stupid and I say 'um' too mu--"

"You don't have any idea what being a Mary-Sue even _means_, do you?" The receptionist asked, cutting Llama off in mid-flaw.

"Being, um, a well-rounded, interesting character?" The receptionist just stared incredulously at Llama for a moment. Then she burst out laughing. The laughter went on and on as the receptionist fell out of her chair. It continued going on until Llama began to suspect that it was in fact a laugh track such as one might find in a bad script-format comedy fic. But she couldn't see any sort of laugh-track mechanism, so presumably the receptionist was doing all that laughter and apparently not taking any breaths.

Eventually though, the receptionist stopped laughing, got up off the floor, wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes, brushed herself off, went off and made coffee, watched a short film, and finally came back and noticed Llama, who had not moved the entire time, and who had also quite failed to get the joke.

"Um... Did I say something funny?" The brown-haired girl asked.

"Mary-Sues being well-rounded? And _interesting_?" The receptionist fought back a fresh wave of laughter. "With _flaws_? Heck, any Mary-Sue who even _thought _of having a flaw would be out of a job before she could say, 'Gee, maybe we should try to _avoid_ cliché.' No wonder no one read your other story. You must a crap Mary-Sue."

"Actually, I, um, I wasn't the Mary-Sue in my other story. She lost her powers, so she had to go and look for work in more realistic fandoms. I was just a supporting OC..."

"You can work in the pit."

"Um, I'm not sure that I heard you right. Did you just say the _pit_?"

"Yeah. It's where we keep all the Mary-Sue videos for the girls who are currently inactive. Your job will be to catalogue them. The video hold is in the basement of the studio, so no one will ever see you, which is perfect. And who knows, you might pick up a few tips from _real_ Mary-Sues."

"If I do good, can I be promoted to a Mary-Sue?"

"Oh, _possibly_," the receptionist replied with as much sarcasm as she could muster. Then, realizing that sarcasm went right over Llama's head, she amended, "No. Definitely not."

* * *

Ouch. An entire chapter without any of the real characters in it. I really have to figure out a way to get them in there, 'cause I _hate_ stories like this.

Oh, and it'll get funnier. I promise. I just had to set everything up in this chapter. And, just so you know, any grammatical mistakes in Llama's dialogue are intentional.


	2. Everything Looks Beautiful on Video

Llamarama: Chapter II

So, apparently, no one's reading this. Not only did I only get five reviews for the first chapter, but there were only like 20 people even looked at the story. And, although that's a pretty darn good review-to-pageview ratio, it's still depressing.

Meh. Usually five would be an amazingly high number of reviews for me, but I think that getting 40 reviews for TEE spoiled me terribly.

So, to make me feel better, I want everyone who's reading this to at least pop in on Llamarama, even if you don't review it (or even read it!).

Oh, wait, if you're reading this, then you're here already.

Crap.

Oh well, just go read the story now. Since you're here and everything.

Yes, I know that I took a really, really long time for a chapter in which not much happens. What can I say? I was floundering. I like Llama a lot, but I didn't really know where to go with her story, especially since I have to keep it from turning into a Mary-Sue story… But I finally came up with a decisive plot for this thing (Well, okay, my particular version of a decisive plot, which means I know how it will end and have a particular scene or bit of dialogue I want to write for every chapter), so I feel okay about updating again.

Plus, the real Tokyo Mew Mew characters will appear next chapter! Huzzah!

* * *

The receptionist led Llama out of the waiting room and down a labyrinthine corridor that stretched on for such a distance that Llama wasn't even sure that it could all fit in the building. After a shameful amount of uneventful walking, which did absolutely nothing to advance the plot, the two women came upon a room so large that if you stretched out a person's intestines, they probably wouldn't reach all the way across.

And the intestines of a human are really, really long when you stretch them out. Just in case you were wondering.

Llama gazed upon the room, which was filled with row upon row of cheap movie-rental-store shelves, each packed with videos, in utter disbelief.

"Wow…" she muttered, "how can this place actually exist?" The receptionist started to answer, but immediately fell down a plot hole.

And, lo, the authoress said unto herself, "Crap, now who the heck can I use for plot exposition?" She sighed, and, suddenly, the receptionist was back.

"Don't ask things like that. You've been in a Mary-Sue story, so you should know to just ignore nonsensical things like this."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

So, yeah, anyway, the room was big. And filled with videos. The receptionist wheeled over a TV that had come from goodness-knows-where.

"Where did that co—" Llama began, before noticing that yet another plot hole was opening up under the receptionist.

"This is the sort of thing we archive here," the receptionist intoned, completely ignoring Llama's almost-question as she snagged a video from a nearby shelf. "Pay attention. You might learn something."

"Couldn't I just read the back of the video box to find out what it's about?"

"What? No!"

"Oh, okay." Llama shrugged and tried to make herself comfortable. Unfortunately, there were no chairs or, indeed, any furniture at all near Llama. She turned around to ask the receptionist about it, when she noticed that the receptionist had procured a large, overstuffed armchair out of thin air. "Um. How did you do that?"

"Sheesh, didn't you learn _anything_ when you were an OC?"

"Don't fall down…" The receptionist, who has _obviously_ never read "Tokyo Ew Ew" just looked at Llama quizzically.

"Good luck with that," the receptionist replied, still puzzled. "No, what I meant was, you can use the energy of clichés and dumb plots to make stuff. It only works in here and in certain types of stories, but you need to learn how to do it before I can let you run loose through this room."

"Um… I don't wanna run loose."

"Of course you don't. Now, close your eyes and concentrate on what you want to appear."

Llama shut her eyes. Her brow furrowed and little beads of sweat popped out on her forehead. Her fists clenched and unclenched convulsively.

Et Cetera.

There was a flash of light and a "pop!" and suddenly something came into being. For a moment, neither woman could recognize it. Then the receptionist's eyes widened in fear.

"I-it's a coherent plot!"

"Wow, I've never seen one before," Llama said in an awed voice. "Did I really just make that?"

Unfortunately, it's fairly obvious that coherent plots, which are unstable, elusive beings under the best of circumstances, become extremely reactive when exposed to something as inherently opposed to their nature as the energy of a million million Mary-Sues. So, in a spray of blueberry jam, the coherent plot imploded.

When the purplish-blue gunk had cleared, there, standing in its place, was a barstool.

Llama shrugged and sat down. The receptionist quickly popped the video into the waiting TV's VCR, so no one would have time to think about what a terrible anticlimax the last couple sentences were.

The lights dimmed, and the TV turned on in a flurry of static. The receptionist mumbled something unimportant and pressed a button, which caused the screen to go black for a moment.

Then, after another brief burst of static, a pretty, blue-haired girl appeared. Her hair cascaded in oceanic waves down past her head and, presumably, went on for a long while after the picture cut off, which was directly below the girl's chest. Speaking of which, her chest was full and obvious without being disgusting, and the simple-yet-elegant shirt she wore over it showed her impeccable taste. And her eyes, oh, her eyes were golden like treasure beyond Croesus' most fevered dreams…

The authoress paused for a moment as she re-read that last paragraph. Upon closer inspection, the authoress noticed that she was definitely falling into the trap of describing an OC to the point where all the action in the story just ground to a halt. Her finger poised over the delete key, the authoress stopped. Maybe she'd leave the description paragraph in there, to show what _not_ to do. Yeah, that was it. What not to do.

"Can we start the movie now?" The receptionist asked pointedly, looking upwards.

Sure. Okay.

"Thank you."

So, anyway, the pretty girl in the video smiled (and her smile was like—No! Must resist!) and said, "Hi! My name is Miko Loveliness, and I'd _love_ to be in your story!" This all went off without a hitch, but Miko paused before continuing. She squinted at something off camera, and her beautiful lips moved restlessly as if she was trying to sound out a hard word. When she did continue, it was obvious that she was reading off of a cue card.

"I'm… 16 years old, and I'm willing to be paired with any boy except… Mah-yuh-suh? Oh. Mayasa, of course. Any boy except Mayasa! I've had a tragic past," continued Miko, getting into the swing of things, "but that certainly hasn't had any bad effect on my character! I'm nice and charming and witty and exciting and of _course_ have very strong magical powers. You see, I was originally from another planet, but when my planet was destroyed, my parents sent me to this one. I never saw them again, but it turns out that on this planet I have super-duper magic powers!" She smiled brightly, then paused and muttered, "Oh, a cue card change. Okay, um…" She stopped again. "My—my flaws are—"

Miko couldn't even finish that sentence, because she burst out laughing. The tape dissolved into static once again, and the receptionist shut the TV off.

* * *

That's all for now, folks!

In case you were wondering, Miko is not based at all on a specific character, just a character type. I have no plans of ever having her physically appear in a story, so if any of you ever want to use her, go right ahead. Just please PM me and tell me you're gonna use her, so I can read your story.

And to anyone who thinks that this chapter was far too slow, all I can say is, "It's plot exposition, darling, it has to go somewhere."

Review, please!


	3. Girl Achronism

Llamarama: Chapter III

You know what? I really, really miss being allowed to give review replies in fics. It made me feel like people were reading my stories in a way that PM-ish review replies don't.

Smeh. At least chapter two got more reviews than chapter one did.

As far as I can tell, this story will be a little shorter than the original TEE, wrapping up in another chapter or two. I _hope _there will be a threequel, but I don't have any ideas yet. All I know is that I definitely want the next story to focus more on the canon characters than this one has. It feels so wrong to have a story with only OCs. How do you guys (and gals) who write this sort of thing do it?

And I finally got the inevitable review accusing Llama of being my self-insertion. To the person who gave this review, who didn't even leave a name, I just have to say:

Yes. Yes, Llama is a self-insertion. How so? It's very simple, really. _We both have brown hair_. That's right! By inserting a character with the same color hair as me, I have fulfilled my fantasy of becoming a TMM character! I just made her personality nothing like mine to disguise the fact that Llama's really me! BWAHAHAHA!

Heh. I'm just kidding, of course. Llama's not really a self-insertion at all. I _am_ in this fic, but I always refer to myself as "the authoress." So that should debunk that myth.

* * *

The days passed uneventfully for Llama once she started working. It was really just like working in a regular video rental store, except that instead of dealing with people enraged over the fact that all the copies of _Rocky XVII_ had been checked out, she only had to deal with authoresses too uncreative to come up with original ideas for their original characters.

That, and all her business was carried out over the phone. It was a little disturbing, really. She got a call from the receptionist asking for a Mary-Sue with certain features, and then searched for a suitable video for a couple hours. Oh, she'd tried to organize the videos, once, but they'd all shifted back to their original positions only moments later. So now she didn't even try, but resigned herself to long searches.

After she'd found the correct video (and she always did, eventually), Llama simply stuck it into a slot in the wall, where it was sucked up with a whoosh. That was all.

The monotony of the job sort of suited Llama, who rather liked working in a dimension where she could keep herself from tripping over things if she just thought about it hard enough. The work wasn't hard, once she'd gotten the hang of finding videos, and she had all her nights free, although the actual passage of time seemed to have little to do with when these "nights" happened.

Early on, Llama had discovered that food and sleep weren't necessary in what she liked to think of as the "video dimension." As a result of this, Llama spent most of her free time watching up on Mary-Sue videos and trying to imitate the qualities she saw displayed there.

Unfortunately, clumsy Llama might have been better off trying to learn from one of those impossible dance videos. Had anyone been around to hear, they would have heard Llama mumbling to herself almost constantly.

"My flaws are, um, well, I'm slow, and um—No! That's not right… My flaws?" She tried to affect a dashingly heroic smile, but just ended up looking vaguely ill. "I do have flaws—No! Um, no, I don't," she amended lamely, again attempting a heroic grin, "My eyesight is really good, but, um, boys don't really chase after me that much, because I'm not very pretty…"

Llama smacked herself in the head. "Arrgh, why can't I do this, um, right?" She sighed in resignation, and turned back to the video shelves just a bell rang, announcing that another request was coming in. Before she could even move, however, Llama heard something unexpected.

"Aw, heck, I thought we got rid of you!" whined a familiar voice. Llama whirled around, and what she saw surprised her so much that she whirled a little bit too far and fell over in a jumble of imperfect arms and legs.

There, somehow, in the middle of the video dimension, was Mew Ichigo and most of the rest of the regular Tokyo Mew Mew cast.

As Llama disentangled herself from herself, Keiichiro patiently explained to Ichigo about how, since there was no reason Llama should have had powers in the first place, she didn't lose them at the end of the first story, and therefore got to be the star of this one.

Finally, Llama managed to stand up.

"B-but how? How did you guys get here? I mean, um, I didn't think you _could _get here…"

Since Ichigo was still arguing with Keiichiro about how impossible it was for Llama to exist, Minto answered the OC's question.

"Some idiot authoress called sakuuya wrote about this place, so we found out it existed that way," the bird-girl explained. Seeing the look of disbelief that still graced Llama's face, she snorted and continued, "What? Do you think we don't have the internet? Don't even get me _started_ on the weirdo stuff I read about me and Zakuro! Although," She paused for a moment, thinking hard, "I guess that wouldn't be _that_ bad…"

Zakuro pretended not hear this.

That unfortunate bit of plot justification out of the way, all the canon characters turned to the video shelves.

Except for Kishu, who had apparently still not recovered from his run-in with his sister Kitty. All he was doing was floating drunkenly and singing, "Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch who watches over you, build a little birdhouse in your soul…"

No one but the authoress, who is, in fact, a They Might Be Giants fan, paid him any attention.

The other characters advanced on the shelves menacingly. When they were almost there, Llama jumped out in front of them in action-movie slow-motion.

"Ummmm, noooooooo!"

The cannon characters stopped in confusion as Llama, still in slow-mo, landed on her side in front of them.

"What the heck? What are you doing, er…" Minto trailed off.

"Llama," Llama supplied. "I was in Tokyo Ew Ew, rember?" Minto appeared to think hard about this.

"Oh. Yeah. Llama. Right. Anyway, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? If you were in that Ew Ew fic, you should know how annoying these OCs are! We need to destroy them while we have the chance!"

"Um… but I work here. This is, um, my job."

"Well, think of it this way," Purin piped up, "if you let us get rid of all the videos, then you'll be the only OC left! You won't have to work here any more!"

"Yeah, um, but, I'm not a very good Mary-Sue. Wouldn't all the fanfictions kind of um, suck then?"

"Yeah. You're right. Never mind," Zakuro conceded, but nodded almost imperceptibly to Masaya and Pai, who had inched around Llama while the OC was occupied. At Zakuro's signal, the boys began tipping over shelves.

"No! You can't, um, you can't do that!" But the cannon characters ignored Llama's protests and continued making mess of the videos.

"_What _is going on here!" Everyone turned to see who had spoken and everyone's, even those who had never seen her before, eyes widened in shock.

The receptionist had arrived.

* * *

And that's where I'll leave it! There's no use getting mad at me, because I _actually wrote this chapter in a timely manner_! So don't you dare whine! Unless you wanna whine in a review, in which case I'm all for it.


	4. The Logical Song

Llamarama: Chapter IV

Hello again, all!

Yes, this chapter is slightly overdue. I apologize. I've been so busy with school and crap that I didn't even realize it's been more than a month since I last updated. But I'm on spring break now, so I have time to do this.

And I have officially decided that there _will _be a threequel, and I even have a vague idea of what it's going to be about. For the curious, the tentative title is ICHIGO'S DAUGHTER SAVES THE WORLD, which I'd like to leave in all caps when I actually do the story, but I know this site doesn't allow that.

But for now, we're still mired in Llamarama, and I need a disclaimer: Technically, I owned everything in the first two chapters, but I certainly don't own any real TMM characters.

Oh, and just as a warning, this chapter is about as romantic as a TEE story can be, which simply means I acknowledge the couples I like. For those of you who haven't read TEE (and if you haven't, go read it!), this means hints of shonen-ai.

* * *

The receptionist had arrived.

"W-well, you see, ma'am," started Ryou, reduced to stuttering out-of-character-ness by the furious desk worker before him. Luckily, before he could tarnish his reputation any further, Minto took over on the explaining front.

"We're getting rid of these damn Mary-Sues once and for all!" The rest of the canon characters nodded in agreement. "And there's nothing you can do about it!"

"…particle man…" Kish added, still sort of out of it.

"Oh, okay," the receptionist said, and left.

The video dimension resounded with stunned silence for a moment.

Retatsu and Keiichiro, who have a history of level-headedness in this series of fics, were the first to recover. They shrugged and started to tip over shelves, which fell in weird slow-motion. The other characters, jolted out of their shock when Retatsu and Keiichiro began to move, joined in the shelf-tipping fun.

They were all busy making a large mess of things when the first shelf Pai had knocked over hit the floor. In fact, the canon characters were so absorbed in what they were doing that they didn't notice that, while the shelf made no sound as it fell, as soon as it hit the floor, a mysterious, multicolored mist began billowing out from where it lay.

As more and move video shelves hit the ground, the mist (which, as has been established, was very mysterious) got thicker and thicker, until the canon characters couldn't see well enough to tip anything over anymore.

The dimension seemed to fill up with the low hiss of the escaping mist. Then, the sound abated, although the dimension continued to get foggier. With the sound gone, though, voices could be heard, drifting from the heart of the (mysterious) mist.

"What the heck?" cried Minto.

"This fog is so mysterious!" cried Ichigo, just in case you haven't gotten it yet.

"Aagh!" cried Keiichiro as Purin, mistaking him for a video shelf, tipped him over.

And then…

And then the dimension was filled with a cry so terrible that the authoress was only willing to even type out the last four words of it.

"Power, IN YOUR FACE!" The canon characters (and Llama, who had kind of been forgotten for this whole chapter so far) were filled with such unfathomable terror at this dubbed ululation that, for a moment, they didn't even notice they weren't alone anymore.

But alone they weren't. As the last syllable of that blood-curdling shout rang out, the mist that had been filling the dimension abruptly dissipated, revealing hundreds of eerily pretty young women in Mew Mew outfits.

The canon characters (and Llama) noticed the sudden influx of OCs at the same moment the OCs noticed them. Instantly, Ryou and Kish were surrounded by a crowd of the blasted girls, all proclaiming their love in loud voices.

Several of the Mary-Sues surrounding Ryou gave little grunts as Keiichiro viciously whacked them into unconsciousness with a frying pan he almost certainly hadn't been carrying before. However, the rush of Ryou-crazed Mary-Sues soon proved too much for him, and he backed off, trying to think of a better way to save his boyfriend.

Ichigo and Masaya held each other tightly as the OCs tried to pull them apart. Although Masaya was getting beaten up pretty bad by overly-pretty girls who hated him simply because their creators did, Ichigo arguably had it worse off. Mary-Sues had grabbed on to each of her legs, half trying to pull her towards Ryou, the others trying to pull her towards Kish.

The other real TMM characters were left more or less alone, as they tend to be in Mary-Sue stories. Sure, the occasional errant OC would try to make a couple of them hug, but it certainly wasn't overwhelming.

The only named character left completely alone was Llama. The pudgy, brown-haired girl pounded on the top of her head with her palms as she tried to think of a solution.

Unsurprisingly, nothing came to her, so, for lack of anything better to do, she decided to try to engage one of the Mary-Sues in conversation, hoping to learn some tips.

"Um, hi, what's your name?" She asked a girl whose pale purple outfit oddly resembled Zakuro's.

"I'm Lisa. What do you want?" Lisa replied curtly.

"Well, um, I'm trying to be a better OC and, um, I need, um, tips, and—"

"Well, I'm the most awesome original character EVER!" Lisa interrupted, suddenly peppy. "And I'd be HAPPPY to tell you about myself!"

"Um, tha—"

"I was infused with the DNA of a grey wolf while I was walking in the park, and—" This time, it was Llama who cut her off.

"Isn't that the same DNA, um, Zakuro has?" she asked, puzzled.

"Yeah. And…?"

"Well, um, are you, um, related to Zakuro then?"

"Ew, No! Why would I want to be related to a canon character? Only the LAME OC's do that."

"Then why do you, um, have the same outfit and animal as her?" Llama asked again, still befuddled.

"Because I'm the coolest OC ever…" Lisa said, but this time she sounded unsure. "Y'know, actually, I've never thought about it like tha—"

POOMF.

There was a puff of mysterious mist, and Lisa was gone. In her place was a video, which featured a rather shocked-looking Lisa on the cover.

Llama just backed away slowly.

Unfortunately, given how crowded the video dimension had recently become, Llama ran into someone as soon as she took a step backwards. The potato-girl turned around to apologize but stopped when she saw who she had hit.

Her hair cascaded in oceanic waves down past her head and went on for a long while after that Her chest was full and obvious without being disgusting, and the simple-yet-elegant shirt she wore over it showed her impeccable taste. And her eyes, oh, her eyes were golden like treasure beyond Croesus' most fevered dreams…

"M-Miko, right? You're Miko Lovliness?" Llama managed to stutter out.

"Yep!" The blue-haired girl responded happily.

"Um, you're a pretty good Mary-Sue, right?"

"Yep!"

"Can you teach me, um, how to be a good OC?"

"Sure! Take me for example, I…" Miko trailed off for a moment, squinting at something over Llama's shoulder as if she was reading off an invisible cue card. "When I was born, a demon was sealed into my body. It gives me super-duper magic powers, but it also makes me really, really angsty." She paused to nod at Llama. "That's part of what makes a good Mary-Sue. You have to be angsty."

Llama, who had been furiously scribbling down everything that Miko said in a little notebook she had materialized, looked up, confused again.

"Wait, that background was different from the one you gave in chapter two…"

POOMF.

By now, the canon characters who were not being mobbed by OCs, had noticed what Llama was doing.

"That's it!" yelled Keiichiro, throwing his frying pan in excitement. "If you confront a Mary-Sue with logic, they'll be sealed back into their videos!"

The others looked at him strangely.

"Why do you know that?" Retasu asked suspiciously. Keiichiro shrugged.

"If I hadn't said it, the authoress would've had to let the readers figure it out for themselves. Or try to show it _subtly_."

As one, the whole group, which also included Minto, Purin, Zakuro, and Pai, looked upwards and nodded. They knew how the people who write this sort of fic were with subtlety.

That unwieldy bit of plot out of the way, the authoress smiled and resumed telling the story.

The canon characters ran from OC to OC, pointing out the gaping plot holes in their powers and origins. Llama, who was still trying to get some advice, helped unwittingly.

POOMF.

POOMF.

POOMF.

POOMF.

The Mary-Sues, some of whom weren't as dumb as they looked, realized what was going on and started to attack. The video dimension was suddenly filled with ridiculous battle cries. Being fairly unoriginal creatures, many of the original character's attacks sounded remarkably similar. This led to some general confusion and even more POOMFS.

In fact, so many of the Mary-Sues had the same attack names, or nearly the same, that they really aren't worth typing here.

Except for one.

"Moon Tiara Action!"

The battle stopped for a moment as everyone, OCs and regular characters alike, turned to stare at the originator of that attack. It was a girl whose long, blonde hair was pulled up into pigtails culminating in a small bun on each side of her head. Her costume, rather than looking like a rip-off of a Tokyo Mew Mew character's, greatly resembled a Japanese school uniform.

"She looks just like Sailormoon!" Purin piped gleefully.

"Ew, you're right," Minto agreed, wrinkling her nose. "Blatant copying of _us_ isn't enough anymore? Now they've gotta ape other animes? That's just sad!"

The blonde girl in the sailor fuku looked confused. "What? I'm not ripping anyone off! I'm not an OC! I'm actually Sailormoon!"

"Oh." Zakuro said nodding. "That definitely explains what you're doing here." Realizing that Sailormoon wasn't too good with sarcasm, either, the wolf-girl sighed and said, "This isn't a crossover fic, Usagi, it's just a Mary-Sue story."

"Oh, bugger!" Sailormoon responded, and promptly vanished in a flash of light.

There was another flash, and suddenly, she was back.

"Hey! You're not supposed to know my secret idenity! Stop using my name when I'm in senshi form!"

Yet another flash, and Usa—I mean, Sailormoon, was gone again.

Unfortunately, while all this had been going on, the OCs around Ichigo had continued to try to pull Ichigo in opposite directions, towards whoever they thought she should be paired with. Ichigo, for her part, was still clinging to Masaya, who had long ago fallen unconscious from all the abuse he was taking.

Something had to give way. And since neither Ichigo's love for Mayasa nor the popular insistence on pairing her with other people was going to let up, there was only one thing else to break.

Ichigo's body ripped into three pieces, which then vanished in a swirl of pink hearts. She didn't scream, and there was no blood, just a crowd of very confused-looking Mary-Sues.

Retasu, who had seen what'd happened to Ichigo, shook her head sadly and turned to Llama.

"Well, Llama," she said, "I guess you're our new leader."

* * *

Tee hee. Sorry, I just couldn't help it.

Oh, and I don't own Sailormoon either.

Is Ichigo okay? Will Llama be a good leader? Tune in next time to find out!

Well, okay, the answers to those two questions are "yes" and "probably not," in that order. But go ahead and tune in next time, anyway.

And don't forget to leave a review.


	5. Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken

Llamarama: Chapter V

Here it is, folks, the final chapter of Tokyo Ew Ew: Llamarama! I know you're all crazy excited to get to the fiction, but first, I'd just like to share the prospective tagline for TEE III, otherwise known as ICHIGO'S DAUGHTER SAVES THE WORLD:

"_All the Mew Mews have grown up and had daughters, and now those daughters… _Aren't Mew Mews!_ Apparently it's a recessive gene or something. Go figure. At any rate, can this new generation of powerless OCs save the word AND deal with their crippling feelings of inadequacy?"_

Exciting, nein? Now that I've dealt with Evil Mary-Sues and New Leader Mary-Sues, I figured the next logical step was to poke the heck out of fics where the Mew Mew's kids are the new TMM. Plus, because I know everyone was wondering, I'm pretty sure these are going to be the pairings in IDSTW:

Ichigo x Masaya

Ryou x Keiichiro

Minto x Zakuro

Retasu x Pai

Purin x Kish

These pairings are, for the most part, not up for debate, although if anyone can correctly guess why Taruto is the only major character not included (and, yes, there IS a reason) I just might listen to their opinion. Although probably not.

Anyway, the disclaimer still stands.

* * *

Llama, never having been designed to be the new leader of anything, let alone a group of color-coded superheroes, reacted rather badly to Retasu's announcement. She began running in panic circles around Keiichiro, prompting Minto to whisper,

"Y'know, that's all Ichigo ever did in these stories, anyway. Maybe Llama _will_ be an okay leader, after all…"

Suddenly, a small plane flew through the video dimension. Behind it there was a long banner that simply read, "NO."

Everyone shrugged at went on with the battle.

"Um, so does that mean I'm not the new leader any more?"

Hundreds of Mary-Sues still left in the Video Dimension turned to glare at Llama, who seemed to shrivel under their stares. Various cries of, "No! I'm the new leader!" resounded through the hall and more than one Mary-Sue POOMF'd out of the Video Dimension as they discovered, to their chagrin, that maybe they _weren't _the new leader after all. Further OCs disappeared as they fought one another over who _was_ the new leader.

In all the confusion, no one noticed that Llama had turned into a potato due to sheer stress.

Luckily for the canon characters, this didn't matter very much because at that moment Ichigo reappeared with all her limbs and everything. In response to the stunned looks of her canon brethren, the cat-girl just shrugged and said,

"Didn't you read A La Mode? I'm allowed to come back from wherever the heck I was just in time to save the day."

Feeling something similar stir within themselves, the brighter OCs still remaining went through a cognitive process which looked similar to this:

_(a) I, too, always appear just in time to save the day, so_

_(b) I must have arrived just in time to save everything from_

_(c) Myself? Aren't I technically the antagonist here?_

POOMF.

Purin, rather bored now that the Mary-Sues were basically destroying themselves, began to juggle Llama.

Llama is still a potato at this point, remember?

Sadly, though, Purin was rather out of practice, as she hadn't juggled anything at all so far this fic, and so poor Potato!Llama went flying off and hit a random OC in the head.

"Ow, what the—"

POOMF.

Retasu had been watching the whole thing, and she picked her way tentatively over to where Llama lay. She picked up the seemingly unremarkable potato.

"Llama? Are you okay?" Surprisingly, Llama the potato didn't respond. Retasu paused for a moment, reflecting on the small, slightly dusty lump of vegetable matter in her hand. Then she threw it as hard as she could at the nearest Mary-Sue.

POOMF.

"Wait, how does that make sense?" Minto asked skeptically.

POOMF. No more Minto.

That plane from earlier in the chapter flew by again, this time with a banner reading, "ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?" The canon characters, or at least those canon characters still functional, shook their heads vehemently.

If anyone ever decided to make a sport out of what happened next, the rules of said sport would be something like this: The players divide into two teams, one of about six people and the other out of the other hundred or so people who are just hanging around. If you're on the six-person team, your goal is to bounce a potato off as many of the opposing players as possible. If you're on the other team, you just have to try to stay away from the potato and keep thinking illogical thoughts. The potato never switches possession.

Although he told no one at the time, Pai, who wrote the above rules, christened this game "Llamaball," thoroughly confusing the inhabitants of his home planet after explaining the game without making it clear that, despite the name, llamaball does not involve any actual llamas.

The upshot of all this, though, was that now the canon characters were alone in the video dimension. Llama was still a potato; Kish, Ryou and Masaya had been knocked out; Minto had been sent back to the regular TMM universe; and Ichigo had been pulled apart, although she was back together so it wasn't that big a deal, really.

_Actually, _the authoress thought, _I'm not really sure why I mentioned that last one at all. It doesn't reinforce my point or anything. Oh, well, it's kind of too late to start worrying about bad writing…_

Because this is a positive, upbeat fic, most of these crises were relatively easy to resolve. Kish and Ryou and Mayasa slowly regained consciousness. Not only did none of them sustain any lasting injuries, but apparently a good bump on the head was just what Kish needed to act normal again. Minto simply won't be needed for the rest of the story, so she could go ahead and just hang out back in the regular universe. Everyone already knew that Ichigo was okay.

That just left Llama.

Everyone sat around staring at her potato self for a while, but she didn't change back.

"I guess there's no other choice," Ichigo intoned gravely. "We just have to leave her here and hope nothing eats her." This seemed like a good plan to everyone. They shook their heads sadly and started to walk away.

Then they all turned around again, simply for the sake of plot exposition, just in time to see Ryou kissing Potato!Llama, who immediately turned back into herself.

"I'm not sure I understand," said a very confused Ichigo, being careful to word her concern in such a way that she wouldn't be POOMF'd away. "When I'm in cat form, only the kiss of another cat can change me back. Shouldn't Llama have to get kissed by another potato?"

All eyes turned to Ryou.

"So what if I inject myself with whatever random DNA I have lying around? I get bored! Stop looking at me!" When no one did, he decided to attempt to change the subject. "Er, so, how are we going to get back to the real world?"

Normally, this might have posed some problem, but the sheer lack of logic in Ryou's confession was enough that all the canon characters POOMF'd right out, back to the stories from whence they had come.

And, lo, when none but young Llama were left, then did the receptionist poke her head back into the chamber.

"You know, Llama, you can go back, too. You've always had the power. All you need to do is click your heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like home.'"

Which would have sent the brown-clad girl catapulting into a series of fantastic adventures as an OC, were it not for her utter lack of coordination. Try as she might, Llama just couldn't click her heels together three times in a row. After picking herself up off the floor for what seemed like the thousandth time (but which was actually the 42nd), she grinned sheepishly and asked the receptionist,

"Is it all right if I just stay here for a while? Sorting videos in another dimension makes more sense than being a Mew Mew."

Yes it does, Llama.

Yes it does.

* * *

Eh, I'm not too happy with the resolution of all that, and I apologize that the ending wasn't really funny.

Actually, though, my first idea was to kill Llama off in the finale, but I just couldn't do it because I like her too much to give her a silly death, but this story is too silly to justify a heroic death for her.

So, yeah, I doubt I'll get IDSTW up very quickly, but in the mean time you can go read my one-shot "Tokyo Ew Ew: On the Rebound," which frankly isn't all that great, but it certainly got rid of my writer's block, so I'm proud of it anyway.

Thanks for reading, everyone!


End file.
